Bulorne, /'byo͞olôrn/, noun, a synonym for rebirth, renewal, recovery or renaissance

 dear her, christmas is around the corner I really don't care but it is a good way of starting a letter these days, is it not? as a gift here are two old poems of mine that I consider good and some people, that, of course ,   don't own my point of view, can even say they are decent and understandable: Enfance Même parmi une enfance dérivée Je pensais y arriver Mais pousser et rejeter  Ces les bras bas que je rentrais à la maison Peut-être vous ne faites pas la liaison Mais, moi, j'ai eu droit à une enfance en prison Jamais les mots ne m'étaient accordés  Barricadé, je suis épuisé Je n'irai pas plus loin pour m'exprimer Car je suis lié à un boulet Un boulet si gros que je ne l'ai toujours pas brisé  Et pourtant il est là devant moi à m’a porté (meaning: Even among a derived childhood I thought I could do it But pushed and rejected It was with my arms down that I was going home Maybe you’re not making the connection But I had a childhood in prison Words were n...

to whom it may concern,  some time ago, I got word of a story about a woman dying after waiting for a contest on the radio. today, I have discovered that it's not precisely what happened but it was close to the truth.  Woman dies after water-drinking contest It's an old story from 2007, some of my siblings weren't even born back then, nonetheless, it's a short article about the facts. 

 dear her, also, weird things keep happening, I can see that someone or two people have looked at a handful of my articles since the view count has gone higher and that just is the most random thing I've ever seen, in the past few days, because I am left wondering if I misclicked on my own blog and looked at those articles or if someone/ two people have decided to take a peek at mybulorne.  PS: way too many people look at me when I'm at school and I'm not sure if it's because they find me weird or unpleasant for X reason or if they just want to fight me. I prefer the fight me option, but since I am sick, I cannot fight that many people. they are primarily males which makes it uttermost disgusting because males at my school suck and are not in a gay way so. for some reason, I still like the same person although he's shouted at me to leave him alone. on the first side, I got rejected and it sucks, but I'm used to it, and on the second side that also means that I a...

To whom it may concern, For the past four days, I've been sick. I don't know where I got it from but it's more persistent than any cold I've had in years, I haven't done a covid test yet, although I don't think it's covid since my airways are fine, aside from the mucus that's been accumulating there for some time. Nonetheless, I've had mucus or something stuck in my throat for over a year, and it's only now that I made my mom purchase medicine to solve my mucus accumulation problem.  On another note, when I was younger, and so light I could fly away when it would wind too hard, I was always sick and I always had fevers. Mind you that fever is the reaction your body gives you when fighting a virus or disease, so having a fever isn't a disease in itself. It's simply the reaction your body is having trying to fight the organism that is attacking you, thank you, body, but please send me a text next time! Anyhow, I rarely ever get sick now, as...

 dear her, [I’m stuck…] I can’t do anything about it, I can’t scream, I can’t fight, I can’t cry. All I can do is let it happen. My biggest is something terrible happening to me because I know that I won’t be able to fight back.  I’m tired and my mom won't let me sleep. I keep telling her to leave and just doesn’t want to. I keep telling her to leave and leave me alone but she just tells me to shut up. I’m so tired of this. I am so tired, I have no one to talk to, I barely have any energy and the only things that can give me energy or help or just temporary. Why can’t she just LEAVE ME ALONE! I just want to sleep. I can’t speak up. I can’t scream. There is absolutely nothing I can do and I can’t even Rest in Peace. I just want to scream.

 dear bulorne, If I remember correctly A..., my first boyfriend/my first long-distance relationship (which sucked ass0. He had to do one, back in Serbia, but he got out of it because he had a broken rib. I wonder if he has had the surgery for it by now.  Anyhow, people shouldn't be forced to do what the government wants. I shouldn't have been forced to go to school. I shouldn't be forced to pay stupid taxes and I shouldn't be forced to lose all my money if I win the lottery, just because there's a taxing system in place. Honestly, fuck them, GIVE THEM THEIR MONEY BACK, and start taking money from the rich assholes who think they own the world and can't even keep their wives. I want people to dance in the middle of the street with no consequences, I want them to wake up one day and decide to treat themselves by taking a break from work and down the line they decide to switch jobs and they end up being happier than ever and that financial stability is the one to t...

 dear bulorne, I look at people when I walk, when I talk or when they talk or when they walk I look at people when I cry, I look at people when they smile, I look at people when I can't see them, I will even look at people when they don't see me  I test to see if there are alright, they don't check to see if I'm alright  Never has someone looked at me enough to say "Hey! You seem to be dealing with a lot lately. You cry a lot a lot, you're inside your head a lot and you don't really seem to be here as much these days. Is there a reason for it? Do you want to talk about it? If you want you can just cry about it and I'll be there to hold you."  Mind you that I've never done that for anyone or said that to anyone because I feel like that would be too much but there hasn't been a day where I don't want to do more than extra to make a difference for someone, for Iulia, for Nassima, for Ashley, for Yvesha, for Alexander, for Florence, for ran...

dear her,  I've watched the new alchemy of soul episode and I've decided to wait until next weekend to you know, kms. I'm excited since there's a new episode tomorrow and, two, next weekend on each individual day so that way, I can watch most of the show before passing away. this show is literally the only thing keeping me alive and the only thing I seem to enjoy besides talking to that one guy from the states who now says I can only talk to him once a month which I obviously won't be able to do but I guess it's for the better. I won't watch another person enjoy talking to me and then say they can't ever talk to me again like alexander. I had it coming with that one. Alexander is gone. Iulia has a dog now. Ashley is doing her own thing. Eliana is only a school friend. A-A is only a school friend and the rest of the people are only surface-level friends. the American dude was pretty funny though and silly it was refreshing. I told him about the need to ea...

 dear her,  when googling "is it easier to suffocate when you're drunk" the following results can be read  alcohol with high levels of tannins can be a big culprit in exacerbating Asian flush and making it harder to breathe when having some drinks With no gag reflex, a person who drinks to the point of passing out is in danger of choking on his or her vomit and dying from lack of oxygen  Is it okay to let a drunk person sleep? : Absolutely not! Even though the person may appear to be "sleeping it off", their blood alcohol level can still rise and create a life-threatening situation. Place the person on their side, maintain that position and stay with the person Why do I stop breathing when I'm drunk? : Alcohol decreases your drive to breathe, slowing your breathing and making your breaths shallow. In addition, it may relax the muscles of your throat, which may make it more likely for your upper airway to collapse. How long does being drunk last? : Generally ...

dear bulorne, her I hope that when I die my mom finds someone to take my place  So all she bought doesn’t go to waste  So, there’s no more waste of space So, she can have a problem she can handle  I hope that when I die my friends keep each other  Since the sensitive element won’t be there to bother them anymore I hope that when I die, the people that I bothered, everyone, forgive me  So, I don’t feel worse about my... Humour me this, Seventeen, feeling like I’m from the bottom of the worse world possible  A teen, who’s never smoked nor touched a cigarette or vape, yet, still feels like the air is suffocating me A dreamer, who barely can make it out in the world  A daughter, who still has so much to learn and no time for it A poet, who can’t right the right words, who can’t communicate simply enough for people to listen  A writer, who can’t finish a story  A whiner, who can’t stop crying nor regretting ever existing and who always seems to co...

 dear bulorne, I’m tired of trying to help others, I’m tired of trying to reach out and put myself out there, I’m there of keeping up to standards they’ve set for me, I’m tired of having to wake up every day stuck in this routine that we’ve orchestrated. my brain feels like it’s running out of oxygen, and I feel sick without physical symptoms. at least, I know that I tried, although, trying makes me feel like shit. for instance, this blog many people know about it but no one reads it because they’ve got better things to do, they’ve got occupations and I would never ask for anyone to stop doing those to read this but not a single person did the effort of checking it by themselves, did they? I just feel like I’m screaming underwater and I just want to sleep and stop trying but each time I wake up I feel pushed to continue going regardless that I’m tired and that I can’t take it anymore. they say I’m weak or I’m not trying but all I do is try it might not be by your standards but it’s...

 dear bulorne I've started manifesting, and by that, I mean, I started writing down what I want and keeping pictures and links of the visual appearance of the belongings I want to have in the future. for instance, I want a big house with a lot of plants, a big garden with a plant and butterfly hothouse, a pool, two hammocks, a bunch of comfortable outdoor chairs and a table for gatherings, a handful of solar panels on the rooftop to gather half the energy of the house, a big library, an empty room so I can let my creative thrive to writing, a lot of rooms for kiddos, a big room for six bunnies; four dogs; three birds; five cats; numerous fishes and whatnot. I want to have comfy chairs all around, I want to have a lot of plants and windows so I never feel like I'm suffocating, I want to have a secret cinema room to enjoy the movies and the different medias, whenever it can all happen, and first of all, I want to enjoy every glimpse of that reality. I don't think this all cou...

 to whom it may concern,  I hope that one day I can lay in a thin sea of water where the vibrations of the songs that circle me can guide my movements. so, songs as closely related to me like a hero by Miguel or songs that speak the sound of my mind at times like demons by Joji take over and all I have to do is let them rock me around. these songs and many more circle the person that I am, the values that I share, the thoughts I've had, the people I miss and even the mistakes I will make and have made. ultimately, I'm hoping I'm not one of these mistakes and that I've come to find the right pathway in the end. I'm not quite me, I'm not quite Bulorne yet but I'll get to be "me" eventually whatever that means by then because even if I am me now, I can't be the exact me tomorrow.  mybulorne

 dear bulorne, her a few days ago, a conclusion, of my speaking out, was delivered to my door. it was a medium size carton that contained a few items. like the item that I'm using to write you this letter, it was given to me after I finally accepted wanting it and I'm currently listening to a waltz ballad or something like it from the nutcracker I read. today I've decided to travel with a lace glove on my left hand, it is kind of uncomfortable but I feel like I have to make use of it since I bought it some time ago and I've barely used it, overconsumption? I do own a lot of different things, I now have a vinyl record player and a few vinyl discs to listen to, I own a camera, I own many stuffed animals, I own many fake plants, I own many clothes and many boots, I own many nail polish,I own many perfumes, I own many styles and very few words and most importantly I'm owning myself again, bit by bit. One day, I'll be able to say I've gone through my bulorne phas...

 to the children who will never get to see one a tree is a big majestic piece of life without a mouth without a mouth to tell you much, it hurts that you've taken their gift for granted the oxygen that you have the privilege to breathe is from them the beauty portrayed by a forest is from them  the home to multiple ecosystems and animals is from them... a tree is defined as a mix of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen by science a tree is defined as a tall plant with leaves and roots that are deeply embedded into the soil by English a tree can be defined as a spiritual being, a source of life or even a conscious being by some  but a tree is truly a mix of atoms, worshipped by some and essential to many and never will I stop glancing at the beauty of its randomly placed branches or its voluminous trunk and impact   mybulorne

dear her I've been through some tough and rough times and I can't lie I never thought I would have made it out alive, and while I still feel like I'm drowning at times I tend to find more moments of peace and more people to enjoy, I can even enjoy myself at times but too good of a mood comes with a drowning phase so in honour of those things I've never truly talked about. here's an old text from my journal: October 31st, 2021 (almost November) the IMPRINT of my scars (by me) I want my lights I crave that familiar warmth I'm imprinted as a being of hurt Who has hurt and been hurt I seek refuge in the arms of people I don't know I seek refuge in symphonies that I can't sing but that can tell what is my pain My pain and my regret are imprinted on me  I walk and breathe every day against my will  Will I die, peacefully? only I know that I've suffered I know because my mind keeps telling me so After every mistake I make, it reminds me "In my mind, I ...

dear bulorne today I found myself punching the pain away. it was exhilarating and relaxing and for a few seconds, I found myself forgetting all the hurt and disapproval I've received recently and ever since I'm born. aka hitting a training bag seems to be the best remedy. although that is not fully true since multiple things seem to have lightened up my mood and feeling, because while I am still very tired, I find myself in a more positive mood and whether it's from the bag hitting, the laughing, the singing, the playing piano, the writing after a while, the finally opening about some things or even the learning some new recipes. I seem to have learned how to glow and he seems to be the perfect example of what glowing inside feels like.  Florian. B

 dear her I feel you dying at times. as if our physical health is so weak at times that I feel our body has finally given up bearing us. nevertheless, as I said last time, I come bearing laughter or with the intent of causing you some. I don't know many jokes and searching some online would conclude with a one-on-one discussion about why I can't find what everyone else finds funny, funny, or just absolutely nothing because I don't find funny things funny but I can't stop my laughter when random funny or random videos are shown to me. so what have I brought you? well, my funny thoughts and memories; sometimes I think of random moments of life and just laugh or giggle then I look around to make sure no one is eyeing me sometimes my friend says *random ass sentences* and I am hexed with laughter sometimes I say random sentences that don't make sense, as a metaphor or explanation and make myself esclaffe with laughter one time I watched a bird attack a man, she screame...

dear bulorne,  I recently I've thought about what I want for Christmas and so, to find some ideas or inspirations, I went through some old wish lists, some of the wishes weren't based on new material gain but rather based on experiences or skills I wanted to gain, nonetheless, I made myself a contemporary list of what I want as a gift now (materialistically) and I really enjoyed the realization that I had accomplished a few things on these lists. mind you, they were things I didn't think I could do, at the time that I wrote them down. on the other hand, since recently I've swam in more still waters, or so it seems, I've been able to think of problems, not as much more weight to carry but as equations that are missing variables to function more efficiently (not perfectly). Florian. B

 to whom it may concern,  sometimes I like to write poems I have over 50 of them scattered around my brain and belongings and I will share as I wish through this new thing that I solely control. here's a thin appetizer of my "work": You talk through art so a selected number of people understand you You communicate through words so people can try to read you   You speak so people can understand and respond to you  this version is slightly different from the original, if I may say so. although it's nonetheless a reflection of where I'm headed. tho this really makes as much sense as my word choice :/ on the other hand: I am complex You can't vulgarise me  Or summarize me You have to live by me and yet you will only get a glimpse of who I am You will not know then and Neither do I now I'm not meant to be good nor bad I am meant to be stubborn and petty but also charming and pretty All those words describe me and so much more but even so that is not me  'Ca...

 dear her, while our fusion was unexpected I hope to meet you and feel like me again. my nostalgia mixed with a selfish intent would go perfectly well with your wide-eyed mind, your little fingers and your big hope of saving the world one day. I wish I could tell you I told you so but the world doesn't seem to let me tell you anything since the world has drowned you to make me. they made me and you made yourself. not very fair is it? next time I think of writing you ill think of something more joyful or a joke that can't simply make me laugh but only make me wonder why a dinosaur moving around to a stupid song can make me so visually joyful.  Ps: if joy boy really existed do you think I could be happy for an eternal length of time and most importantly would that be healthy, isn't sadness and emptiness an important part of my personal growth mybulorne

 dear bulorne,  if I could, I would live in a giant gazebo, filled with creative rooms with games to activate my mind, unfinished projects that I'll worry about tomorrow and the option to go outside or simply watch the sun go down through my thick clear glass windows. the most lit-up room would be filled with plants of the medicinal kind, spiritual kind, kind kind, vegetable kind and whatnot. I would live with simi and sometimes we would go outside to check on the birds and we could stay until the sunset and enjoy the light breeze in my hammock with a warm drink and a furred cover. although I wouldn't be drinking tea since it has a bitter taste or aftertaste. I'm more of a hot-chocolate-and-i'm-so-excited-that-ill-drink-it-right- away type of person Florian. B

dear last summer,  you've embedded my life with a smell of misery, emptiness and clouds. you've shown me that things matter in the long run if you have the courage to open your eyes to new experiences. you've shown me that breathing isn't only necessary for my body but for my personal existence altogether, I hate you and you hate me but oh well were those times memorable.  mybulorne.