dear bulorne,
I’m tired of trying to help others, I’m tired of trying to reach out and put myself out there, I’m there of keeping up to standards they’ve set for me, I’m tired of having to wake up every day stuck in this routine that we’ve orchestrated. my brain feels like it’s running out of oxygen, and I feel sick without physical symptoms. at least, I know that I tried, although, trying makes me feel like shit. for instance, this blog many people know about it but no one reads it because they’ve got better things to do, they’ve got occupations and I would never ask for anyone to stop doing those to read this but not a single person did the effort of checking it by themselves, did they? I just feel like I’m screaming underwater and I just want to sleep and stop trying but each time I wake up I feel pushed to continue going regardless that I’m tired and that I can’t take it anymore. they say I’m weak or I’m not trying but all I do is try it might not be by your standards but it’s clearly more than I can bare. I lost a friend, also, I don’t know exactly how that occurred to happen but I had it coming, I guess. nothing I can do and even if I did it would be utterly useless and futile. everyone that I care about, everyone that I take the effort to reach out to, every person that I try to care for one way or another, well, they’re all going to leave, sooner or later obviously, although quicker than with most. at last, that’s what I’ve concluded. it doesn’t matter what I want or what I do. people don’t start to talk quieter; they don’t leave me space to breath, they don’t see me falling down, they don’t care that I try, overall, they will only see what they want. I’ve tried to see the bigger picture but honesty I just can’t anymore. I’m trying so hard to keep myself going but geez would it be great for someone to help beyond the minimum one-time effort.
Florian. B
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