Bulorne, /'byo͞olôrn/, noun, a synonym for rebirth, renewal, recovery or renaissance

  February 3rd

 dear her, it's been almost two weeks since my last blog post. not much has changed but I have thought a lot about numerous different things and aspects of my life and life in general. I have started to want to do more writing (creative writing, novels and etc), more exploring and more hobbies. I did a bit of everything, although, not much. I am again drained but on the other hand, I started looking into future things I maybe will be able to do like gardening. globally, I haven't progressed in some time not mentally, barely physically and definitely not philosophically. I, literally, have nothing to say so I might give up on this blog thing overall but whatever. it's not like I am doing anything, can't play, can't sing, can't write, can't draw, cannot do anything. hell, I even tried playing Minecraft and all was fine if not for my "family" barging in ten thousand times during my attempt to record a Minecraft video I don't know why I even tried ...

On My Mind - REST ACRES   Bored - Billie Eilish

 to whom it may concern,  I have never explained what the purpose of this blog is nor why it is in a letter format. I chose the letter format because it is simple and it feels like I am writing to someone, which I am, and her and bulorne are not random names I thought of to feel the letter top. Her is the younger version of myself which I write to in moments when I am reliving something similar to a past experience or when I am thinking about problems I am facing that are keeping me from advancing and evolving for the future. While Bulorne is the new version of me that I am not yet and as defined by the name of the blog she is what I will be when I enter my cocoon as a larva (her) and come out as a butterfly (bulorne). furthermore, any letter that isn't for her or bulorne is for others or me who are in the present. in other words, I simply see myself as the transition between the two states and I am trying to discuss and solve my past & visualize and construct my future as...

 dear bulorne,  today I picked up the slack. I woke up at 9:20, but actually, I was woken up an hour prior because I heard the doorbell ring, nonetheless, I had set my alarm for 9:20 the night before I had planned to wake up eat breakfast, take a shower and practice my Spanish but... I ended up looking at discord threads instead and having a phone call which, if I am honest, doesn't bother me at all since right after I got up ate breakfast, finished a late homework and planned my notes for the book, I was supposed to have read a bit ago but, I planned to read it later today. on another note, I am supposed to do some Duolingo and eat, which I am obviously not doing. however, I already prepared all of my food and added them to my food diary, although I still have to find 17 calories to fill my daily calories goal, grrr. 

dear her, I love musicals: the motion, the emotions and even the little sounds that can be shared through them are wonderful. especially, in the case of the Sound of Music . which has a simple story with amazing sounds and most of all an amazing instrumental. I wish they would make musicals more similar to that, with more realistic contrast and human-like characters. musicals that are unique and unforgettable. the movie Annie (from 1964) isn’t bad whatsoever but the characters are vaguer and fill gaps by being unable to be independent. in comparison, in the Sound of Music , Gretel, the youngest one, is left to be young and looser by that I mean that if you pay attention to her when the Von Trapp kids are all together, she’s more lost than them but she still receives guidance from them but when she is sometimes lost or slower it adds to the charm but she simply looks like she’s a kid growing. ps: I gave myself a four-day break, after the turn of events, and today is the last day RIP my...

 dear bulorne, it is a new year, yet I am more alone than I was at the beginning of the last one. that is pretty sad to think about. earlier, I was watching this show called Romance Killer (I believe), it is a good show, and I realized that I have never been on an actual date: I have been asked out but then cancelled less than 24 hours afterwards. in addition, since I am realizing more and more how deep my mental issues and symptoms go, I don't think dating will be that great unless I find mister or miss great. I have never been with someone in real life either or had a real-life conversation with someone who had a romantic interest in me in a similar manner that I would have with them, I have never just sat down and enjoyed the moment with someone like that and I don't think I ever will anymore. people like what's beneficial to them, what's useful to them or even what brings them joy and simplicity to a degree: I am none of these things, for someone to date me (while a...