dear bulorne,

it is a new year, yet I am more alone than I was at the beginning of the last one. that is pretty sad to think about. earlier, I was watching this show called Romance Killer (I believe), it is a good show, and I realized that I have never been on an actual date: I have been asked out but then cancelled less than 24 hours afterwards. in addition, since I am realizing more and more how deep my mental issues and symptoms go, I don't think dating will be that great unless I find mister or miss great. I have never been with someone in real life either or had a real-life conversation with someone who had a romantic interest in me in a similar manner that I would have with them, I have never just sat down and enjoyed the moment with someone like that and I don't think I ever will anymore. people like what's beneficial to them, what's useful to them or even what brings them joy and simplicity to a degree: I am none of these things, for someone to date me (while actually knowing me) would be equivalent to a miracle but since I live in real life, I will simply say it is impossible.

ps: as much as I would like for me to pretend like those things are easy to get used to and have very minimal damage that would be a lie and I gave up unnecessary lying a few new years ago.


Florian. B

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