log2.A

 Talking to my mom makes me want to cry sometimes…

Why does talking or interaction with anyone else but my parents more peaceful and nice. Even arguing with other people is nicer. For example, one time I was at a family party and I was hungry so I asked to get food but my cousin said I couldn’t, I don’t know exactly what happened after, although later on that somehow continued and I ended hiding in another and just cry because she was just so angry. She then apologized and said something regarding it and I forgave her because she meant it.

If it was my mom she wouldn’t even apologize honestly and wouldn’t even acknowledge what she did wrong that made me cry. She would mock the fact that I’m crying and not to do anything about it. In the case of my dad this situation simply wouldn’t happen. 

I hate the fact that I have awful parents and there’s nothing I can do, I can’t leave or move out I have to force trough it until I can leave. So far I’ve just cut ties with my dad but I’m stuck living with my mom unfortunately. Where we are all hungry because there’a barely any food which is why I am always hungry when we aren’t at home like at the party, the apartment is always unclean, everyone is in their corner ( I mean we don’t even eat together, which is fine but it shows that we are just a bunch of individuals living under the same roof) and there’s more but this would feel too much like a rant. Basically like what she does all the time, she’ll say she’s tired but you can hear her all day long wasted her energy on complaining EVERY SINGLE DAY her only argument against it is she’s allowed to feel her emotions but honestly who cares because it’s not healthy and it brings her nowhere since she complains instead of just finding a solution to her problem. She complains about literally everything and you can’t even have a normal conversation with this woman unless it’s about saying negative shit. 

One of the only thing I remember after I took the pills is her lighting up when it came a moment where to talk about my dad because she could shit talk him or the moments she would just go against my opinion. Nothing positive ever, she Nevers talks about solutions. Nothing I say to her matters and honestly I just hate living with her, I feel miserable everyday. 

Last time I was watching son funny stand up comedy because I felt shitty the whole day and wanted to laugh but what she did is just barge into my room to complain I wasn’t sleeping WHO CARES. The worse part is she commented on the fact that I laughing and ask me why is that. Like WHY CANT SHE JUST BE AN ACTUAL MOTHER FOR ONE DAY AND BE HAPPY THAT I AM LAUGHING A WEEK AFTER TRYING TO KILL MYSELF. I just have the worse parents ever and whatever I do to feel better or get out of this shitty life they shut down because of their shittyness. 

They are the worse!!!!