lastlog?

 they always ask me if ive come up with plan well this time I have but first here's a list of my last actions to try to make a place for me in the world

  • Get into college and establish a plan for my "future" DONE, BUT WHO CARES
  • try to patch things up with Eliana DONE AND NOTHING CHANGED
  • try to get to know Heloise more DONE BY WHATEVER
  • try to be more honest about how I feel to the people who want to help and programs I'm in DONE AND NO REAL HELP
  • do things although I feel like going home STUPID OLYMPIA AND RALLYE DE MES DEUX
  • treat myself? IM THE TREAT 
  • plan things with friends WHAT FRIENDS?
  • write on my blog IM NO BULORNE I DONT OWN A BLOG
  • graduate from the hellhole to go to another YEE HAA
  • ask him one last time, or talk to him one last time MY LAST PUNCH TO THE HURT...DONE
  • eat my life away so I can gain some weight on my slender man body I WILL DIE SKINNY AS FUCK UNFORTUNATELY HOPEFULLY THEY DONT DO A FUNERAL FOR ME
  • go up to zacky to tell him to go fuck himself and gabriel I WISH I COULD BOTH BEAT THEM WITH A CHAIR
  • get rid of at least a third of my stuff at least or half of it LAST MINUTE THING TO RAISE NO EYEBROWS
  • play Minecraft again IDK
  • play roblox again IDK
  • continue writing one of my books LETS BE HONEST I HAVENT WRITTEN ANYTHING IN MONTHS
  • read bone MAYBE
  • ouhhh, burn a book cause fuck this planet everything sucks here and I CANT FUCKING HELP ANYONE OR AN YTHING ALL THIS BEAUTIFUL VEGETATION AND ANIMAL LIFE GONE BECAUSE OF SELFISH PEOPLE WHO ONLY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES AND  ALWAYS TAKE EVERYTHING FOR GRANTED ON THE ACCOUNT OF GETTING RICHER THE WORLD IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND I HAVE NO REAL PLACE HERE
honestly I don't know what else to add so I just hope he rejects me or something because I don't wanna be here to see this world crumble like it will, I know its sad it means bulorne will never exist and she wont be able to help change the world but at least I wont be here to see people getting hurt, murdered, killed, tortured, raped, insulted, bullied, gaslighted and the list goes on for the sins of humanity and no being gay isn't a sin that's the most stupidest shit ever if anything gay people have more of a positive impact on this planet at times. 

i know its un believable to think that I'm basing wether or not I die on him, a person i have no connection besides in my dreams well i honestly don't care, i don't have hopes for tomorrow because everyone either disappoints me or gives up on me or even hurt me and he's not any different but what he said was deserve even if it was a pretty loud no and somehow he would always ask me how i am when i ask him which is just him being polite but its so weird because i know he finds me annoying so that's what I'm betting on all the other times i thought ik had a change GONE and now i know i don\t so its  the perfect time to ask, even if somehow I'm wrong …, because i suck and i have no connection  to this stupid world and i wan t none i have no real friends, no real connections, no real trust into anyone so how smart it is to ask the guy who rejected me two times to reject me again so i can pretend like that matters and be sad then be like "oh well now I've really lost everything so time to go" even though I've already lost ev erything n ow so whatever I'm rumbling. its a dramatic plan but its a good one, …, i will wonder who he really is as a person then I will not wonder anything ever at all or be in constant pain and loneliness anymore. i cant wait to finally be able to sleep. maybe when I die I will wake up in field next a house where I live with my 5 children and where we grow our crops and have our pets, bun nies, dogs, cats, fishes, and they lagh and get to stay kids forever and get to take care of them and protect them in a world where there is no pain or treath to them. no one can protect me here, I will always have to k,eep an eye open for myself, I cant protect them here. i will protect them there, I can't wait to meet them :) 



of course its unless I go to hell then I will just suffer again and honestly I would rather go to hell then be here. wont be able to watch tv shows there tho so that sucks. IF I did die and somebody is readdin g just know that my blog has always been linked to my Instagram and I've posted it in my story sometime ago so it never was secret to my "friends" or anyone really so if you are reading this go fuck yourself and be nice to everyone around you 

pshhhh I curse with my bon samaritin curse, now you have to start caring about people so much that you stop c aring about yourself then  one day realize that one cares about you you care about them and falalalalal and then you will kill yourself because this world is fucked and disgusting. 
\

my only regret not haven gotten simi in this world or my five children and our house

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