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Last year of High School! New Year of College!

 I’m making new friends and experiences. I’m coming out of my shell again and I’m scared it’s gonna happen again. I can believe someone would do that to me.  I used to be friend with this girl named E. E and I met through a friend named V and they were in friend group consisting of E, V, G and H. From time to time I would hangout with them at school. And during my last year of high school I fully integrated them as I had no other friend group, we did puzzles together, we ate fast food together, we played dnd in a group and eventually that group and a few other students decide to rent a limousine for prom.  A group chat was created to make the communication about the limousine more simpler. V wasn’t part of the group much in the last year of high school. E and I got closer in that year and even had planned to match for prom. I learned more about H and even went to their house once and met their dog. E and G had a fall out and both said things that can be regretful and H as...
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 I can’t believe I don’t have a boyfriend anymore.  I think I want a boyfriend because I want another reason to be happy. I want the support that I see these online long time together relationship. I’m already happy but having a boyfriend just has proven to make me happier and knowing I have someone with whom to build something long term would make me feel more grounded. 
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 I want to bang my head against a wall. I want to scream and shout outta my own head. I cannot do this anymore and I miss my boyfriend. I am so lonely while still having friends but no real close ones because the only person I can mostly trust is my boyfriend but he is so far why can't people give me money so I can bring him here or visit him, I miss him so much and I am tired of being alone all the time. I can't even cry anymore or work on personal projects because of school and meds. I can't with this anymore, WTFFFF AM I DOINNNNG!
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4 oct.

 dear bulorne, The bird event happened again and he came to me even tho I moved seat. I’m a bit skeptical but I think I’ll ask the tarot cards later. I’m kinda believing it because I ask beforehand, in my thoughts, that if what happened was for me: “can you do it again with the same bird or another animal so I can be sure”. Hence they did, two seagulls came by. I think next time I’ll bring food for it to see what happens but this definitely made my day. I love animals and spirits. This is fun, even if I’m still skeptical. I’m starting to believe me.
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 dear her I just had the weirdest funny tic where I was slapping a table and saying a random thing without even knowing what I was doing, I was then told to stop and I’ve never felt any weirder. We’re closer to getting a diagnosis but still I don’t fucking get what’s happening to me wtf
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October 13, 2022

  Me. I don’t have any baby videos of me  The only thing left about her is me She grew into me  And while that feels wrong and feels like I committed a crime  That’s what happened. From as long as I can remember I always wanted to help people  Wether it’s physically, mentally or both When people were sad I was sad When she died I cried because he cried. But being empathetic comes with it’s downside  I cry too much, I get mad too much, I am too much People find me weird  I feel inadequate  I tell them advice  I’m just nosy  I tell them I’m there  But they really don’t seem to care So what do I do? I write it  I write every word that doesn’t make sense  I write every feeling that I can’t explain  I can only visualize it  I make metaphors over things that are complex  Because while explaining is a hustle  Creating something isn’t. I’ve been gifted with creativity since birth Hell even my birth was creative...
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WHAT THE HECK.moment

To whom it may concern, Today, I was on the metro and I felt sleepy because I just ate warm food so I tried to nap a bit and ut my head down then I keep going in and out and at one point there’s a big turbulence and I get waken up and there’s this guy immediately moves his head, he’s sitting right next to me, and I don’t know what to do with that information to be honest.  Ps: I’ve kept thinking about pretty privilege today, maybe that was it? I don’t like it, I would rather be socially unattractive but attractive to myself. Pretty privilege is annoying and real. People look at my face a lot or stare at me or are way too close and I hate it GIVE ME SPACE AND AIR and move away! 
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Another day, another slay

dear bulorne,  I had a unique altercation with a seagull today, I looked at it in the eyes and it stayed in the corner of the small schoolyard for a while but I wouldn’t be able to explain it to you. Although I’m sure that it was some kind of connection because it was there for a bit and I felt better then I got hooked up again on my course pack next thing you know it’s gone. I wish my thoughts would make sense but it is what it is. Also, I had those two dark visions when I was sleeping two nights ago, one second I was sleeping the next it felt as thought someone tried to shut my brain off so I reacted in shock and woke up, that happened twice! Something is coming, I don’t know what’s up but it’s there. I don’t feel the negative spirit around me anymore. I did a tarot reading the other day, I’ve still got it!
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It's been a while...

dear her,  I am a writer, and with the flow of creativity and the winds of life, I always come back to typing my thoughts or embarking on a dance between the tightness of my finger and the pen. That thought has never been internalized as it had in the past months. I have come back to listening, reading, and it's like I've never left, it's a refresher to feel the attraction of reading a familiar tale or discovering how the writing and tales have evolved from before my time to what seems like the future of human consciousness. I tell no tale just yet, but I might as soon as I find the right ear to whisper to.
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I wish I could be greedy?

to whom it may concern, I wish I could be greedy like Futaba is allowed to be with Kou
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